363 days spent - two to go

No, no New Year's resolutions this year either. I have reached the conclusion that no matter the level of sincerity, my resolutions of the past have been painfully slow in materializing, if ever at all. But I do have a few wishes and aspirations for the coming year, and a few comments in passing regarding 2009.

A YEAR OF GRIEF...AND GRACE

I have written this year rather extensively on the subject of grief, as it was brought very close to home in 2009 as well. My father passed away in September 2008, and much of last year was spent on reflecting on, remembering and just plainly missing the father I had access to for 44 years. Then, in February, the 16-year old son of one of our cell group friends died abruptly while on an excursion with class mates, his life cut meaninglessly short by heart failure. And, finally, July 13'th, as we were unwillingly facing the inevitable end of our American adventure, we got a phone call from my mother-in-law - the second call of the day - informing us that my father-in-law had died unexpectedly while on vacation.

Three deaths within the space of ten months, and two within the first seven months of 2009. It gave me a most unwelcome familiarity with the reality of funerary procedures, but also brought forcefully home the fragility of our life down here and the finality of separation, however temporary it may prove to be.

By the grace of God I had people I could talk to about the losses I - and we as a family - had suffered, but still I could not ward off the frequent and permeating invasions of emptiness and melancholy. Luckily, I had my job that I needed to attend to, as well as my wife, my kids and my friends, all of whom seemed to express, or not express, their grief in ways very much different from myself. I do not chide, or bear any grudges to them for that. My tears were my own in more senses than one, and I cannot expect or demand from even the people closest to me that they fully identify with my own emotional state of emergency.

My highest hopes for the coming year is that other members of my family that have handled their traumas very badly may come to exeprience sudden and unexpected upturns in their lives, in the form of saving acts of God that will make their months of greyish grief just a transition towards brighter and more sunlit days.

WHAT TO EXPECT FROM 2010

If we are to believe secular climate prophets like Al Gore, there isn't much to really be looking forward to during the coming 367 days. Well, I still choose to affirm my high hopes of better days, that is days that will be bursting and brimming with the tangible evidence of God at work in my life, my family, my community, my nation, or my world. I am not an optimist by nature, but I simply refuse to surrender both my sanity and my serenity to wild, unfounded speculations pertaining to possible cataclysmic events of the coming, or any future, year.

Yes, undoubtedly deforestation is continuing unchecked and animal species, deplorably, will dwindle in numbers, and vast surplus populations in the developing world will pose an enormous challenge to the world community. But should that induce us to uncritically abandon our senses and empathy, and callously or lethargically watch the destitute and defenseless being decimated by misanthropic policies? I hope that I, and many, many more, will refuse to cave in to crippling pessimism or inaction.

Man has certainly got a terrible record as far as the past in concerned, but according to the Scriptures we still have a key role to play in the restoration of this wonderful, bewilderingly complex world. Our tasks are not finished. This is no time to retire.

It remains a paradox, though, that I know nothing about the details of the year to come. Nothing. I hope and pray that I will retain my health in the coming year, as I have abolutely no hurry in dying. I believe I have unfinished business, and that I will enjoy quite a number of fresh beginnings, new opportunities, that may eventually benefit many more than just myself.

2010 may be my best year still. God hasn't given up on me. My wife still loves me. And this world is still a wonderful place where the goodness of God and the warming hearts of men may combine to reverse some of the saddest trends of yesteryear.