The right to be sad (sometimes)

Yes, I'm living in a culture that's totally caught up in the illusion that life's number one pursuit should be that of finding personal happiness, at any time and at any cost. Well, as a response to that I'd like to write a few lines in solid defense of the right to be sad.

No, I wouldn't characterize myself as an entrenched, round-the-clock melancholic, but I do think that sometimes sadness isn't only inescapable, it's preferable by far to the numbing sameness that constant elation may produce in us.


Yesterday meant that the second anniversary of my father's passing had arrived with unavoidable finality. Apart from spending the day partly doing my best to recollect some of the more memorable moments we shared, I also reflected on some of the other family members that I've had to part company with. Some of them, my mother's father and mother, were very precious to me; people that I loved spending time with; people that contributed so much towards making me the one I am today. Others, the other pair of grandparents, will also remain dear to me, although my time with them was less formative.


When I say that I still somehow mourn their absence, it's not because I cannot cope with life without their being around. I can cope. And I expect that I'll continue doing so indefinitely. But there remains in me that not so conspicuous, an yet very refining emotion of sadness as I can no longer express my love and appreciation for whatever gesture, gift or encouragement they brought to me, thus enriching my life.


This kind of sadness hopefully reminds me of how fragile we truly are, as even in the midst of our pursuits, even at the peak of our performance, even at the height of our vigour and creativity, even as our relationships inspire and animate ujs, we are still embracing life recognizing that ultimate separation will cut short our ambitions some day.


Please, do not feel guilty because you desire to be happy, but for your own good, grasp whatever chance you get to exercise your right to be sad: because in temporary sadness lies great potential for change and growth. I try not to prolong my twilight hours of sadness for too long, but - in vain hope? - I hope that by recognizing their value, I may also make wiser choices than had I striven to keep sadness at bay.


I do not want to waste my life. I want to life it in a way that will make my children remember me, and that even after my passing, their days of blue will be followed by a deeper, more satisfying joy that I was their father.


In loving memory of Rolf and Astrid Berg, Olaf Kaare and Marta Marie Aasgaard, and Erik Aasgaard.