Achieving something

If I don't ever make it to the final stages of Norwegian "Idol", does that mean that I will have failed to live up to my full potential? If I do not succeed in materializing my half-concealed ambition to publish a work of fiction before I die, will my life be looked upon as generally unsuccessful? If my name isn't universally recognized at the time I draw my final breath, will the verdict be that I have lived to no avail?

Of course not. Very few people live to see the full fruition of their innermost dreams, and perhaps even fewer should pursue such grand, selfish ambitions: to strike it rich or to achieve drooling adoration from hundreds of people you don't even know, or would really want to know.

Let me make one thing crystal clear, though: I do harbour ambitions that very few even know about, but I try no to fret or fuss very much about the fact that so far relatively little seems to have been achieved in terms of personal goals or pursuits. I am at a stage in life where most of my waking hours revolve around two great responsibilities. One is dicharging the duties involving my work as a teacher at a private, Christian school. The other is taking care of and nurturing my family: wife, two daughters and a son.

It may appear like a regime of self-imposed, undue restrictions, or a denial of the value of my own vision being played out in full view, but I actually am fully convinced that I could not now, anyway, act any differently. My children, my wife and my employer deserve my full and undivided attention and efforts. Sooner than later I will be seeing my children leaving their 'nest', their haven of security and comfort, setting out to grapple and interact with the world out there, creating a space for themselves - hopefully in tandem with their God and Saviour.

On that day success - to me- can only be measured by the degree to which I have managed to prepare and equip them for what lies before them. Are they reasonably content and happy with themselves? Do they possess a profound sense of mum and dad really having provided what they needed along the way? And even if no parent can be all things to their children, or even live up to all their expectations, I will forever live to regret it if any of my children will, at some point, stand in accusation - charging me with selfishly pursuing my own interests at the expense of their well-being.

I won't ever buy them all the things they immaturely have been craving. I don't feel bad about some of the no's I've more or less felt compelled to speak out of a sense of necessity or propriety. But I will always, I hope, lavish on them both tokens of appreciation and verbal expressions of my love for them.

If that continues to contribute to their sense of well-being and happiness, and it will, then postponing the quest for my own dreams and deep longings will be worth the small sacrifice I will have to make. Because achieving something isn't only a matter of erecting monuments to your own glory. It's also about investing, regularly and humdrum-ly, in the future of some of the people that matter most to you.