The words that kill

Amanda Todd killed herself. So all the world has been told. And all the world also knows that the 16 year old crumpled because she could no longer cope with the injuries no one could see.

Amanda must have suffered terribly. After she mindlessly published a snapshot on the Internet of herself, lightly dressed in her underwear, the nightmare started. Comments started pouring in, viciously targeting the unsuspecting girl. She was twelve then. She was quite possibly wondering - in this sex-obsessed world - whether someone would find her attractive. She wondered if she measured up to the impossible standards set by e.g. supermodels. The answers came crashing into her vulnerable mind.

It may, or may not, be those very words she kept reading, eventually believing and absorbing that killed Amanda. Anyway, although the terrible decision to end it all was her own, the poisonous lines provided by the online bullies certainly pushed her gradually one step closer to the brink. 

But why did she ultimately choose suicide over life? Why did she let her tormentors obliterate her self-esteem? Because words possess terrible power both to create and destroy, to lift up and bring down, to nurture growth or stifle it. And because Amanda, like most other teenagers, was susceptible to the influence of peer approval: teenagers need friends their own age to affirm whether they are 'hot or not'.

Sometimes the protection and love and affirmation from mother and father just isn't sufficient. Amanda was, judging by the photos printed in dailies all over the world, a good-looking girl. But cruel comments saw to it that this fact never settled firmly in her mind. Drop by drop, word by word, and that which should have sustained her - a healthy appreciation of her own self-value and good looks, was eroded.

I've a daughter almost Amanda's age, and that makes me more determined to use my tongue to aid her on her way to independence and adulthood. She will face the heartless, pitiless bully at some point, the kind of verbal vandal that takes a perverse pleasure in hurting others, and when that happens, I do hope that the kind and loving words we have heaped on her will stand her in good stead, bolstering her ability to overcome the evil, forgive the perpetrator and retain a healthy self-image.

"Gentle words are a tree of life, a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit" (Proverbs chapter 15, verse 4).

I'm so sad to think that your spirit was crushed, Amanda. Hopefully, my small contributions - good, positive and compassionate  words, will help others hang in there where you felt you had to give in.